The Pity Life of Young Woman

One time, I ever hate myself. I can play piano but just a bit. I know Mandarin but just a bit. English but just a bit. I have no job a.k.a jobless. I have no special talent that make me expert at one thing. I applied jobs, being interviewed, but no result. Everything I’ve done is wrong. I feel depressed and frustrated.

Of course. These few days I can’t continue my book. I only add my teens story book for two or three pages per day. I turn one story to other, hoping I can write something down. Fixing this and that. But I can’t keep up the track. My whole head mixed up. My three stories or four, my dream job.

DO MY LIFE HAS MEANING AT ALL, EVEN ONE?

I’m afraid doing something. I prefer do nothing so I do nothing wrong. But I know kids think like that. I still can think. I’m not stupid to finish myself. I’m a mature woman although my mind is not mature enough to solve my problems. I have to do something. I can’t pity myself all my life. I can’t give up. Yet.

At this time, I play piano. Some easy songs. If I play difficult ones, my tensemeter will go up fast again. I can see movie or read book (while listen to music) or hang out at the mall. But when I stop for a while (taking a rest, nature calling, writing something, even eating and drinking), those bad feelings are back. I’m grateful I can play simple piano songs.

One thing on my mind. I want to publish my books. Is it wrong? Just simple dream. I want to be a novelist. So I keep on writing. And reading too. Everything that can give me some ideas. Novels, blogs, papers, forums. Maybe I can write this chapter of my life into a book.

I’m waiting for the time to see that become reality. Maybe the time for my "embryo of success" to break isn’t right. And I’ll take all my patience to see my it "born".

Btw, after I’ve thought many times, the title of this blog is too mellow. I know what you think. But I like it. It’s like the title of a good book, that have "New York Times Best Seller of the Year" or "Winner of Edgar Award" on its cover. Ha ha ha.